The idiots let the Idol out …

The idiots let the Idol out …

What kind of shit — apologies, horseshit — audience is listening to, and voting for Indian Idol anyway? How in the world could they possibly lose Deepali, a blessed voice tailor-made for Bollywood’s best melodies. It’s absurd, it’s total nonsense, and as Javed Akhtar put it as only he could - she get’s punished for singing well. Absofreakingbullshit, the length of that profane term doing little to suggest my annoyance at having Deepali out of the show.

Girl, we’ll miss you, we sure as hell will. May you sing and RJ your way into the ears and minds of the nation, this - from a fan like many others who could see your helplessness through your smile yesterday. You were brave to put up the face and rendition you did, and heck, we know that.

If this is the Janta’s choice, then I’d rather not have it. Perhaps the wordsmith, the skylark sweetheart that gave us Made in India, the immortal vocals that rendered Pehla Nasha and the thief who hasn’t even spared the Israeli National anthem - should play their roles as judges. Let them bring their skill and judgement into play and pick the best Idol, and seriously, if this is the kind of voting that’s going to happen, democracy be damned to a bloody death that the people brought upon it.

Source: showbizia.rediffiland.com

Sholay returns!
Whoop-dee-doo, Sholay is out again, next Friday!

Er, oops, this is ‘Aag’. Damn, and I thought I had the classic. Let me sit through this one anyway, for Company’s sake. RGV, this is your last chance from a die-hard fan. You give us Company/Satya, and then (yuk!) horedung link James and Shiva. Risk was, well, watchable, thanks to Randeep. Can’t wait for the fire. Just don’t bullshittify it the way you did in Shiva to James, an already substandard flick. And hey, Sarkar was fine, but the Godfather was - oops, sorry, no comparisons. Hush.

But I love Sholay! Until this date! And I can’t wait to watch again.

Oops, this is ‘Aag’, isn’t it? Damn, and I thought I had the classic. I repeat, RGV, I’m your fan, but for Sholay? - a disciple, so don’t you dare bastardise the original, otherwise the nukes Dr. Singh is working around will have an additional purpose.

And that’ll light an aag, a fire-and-a-half. Up yours. So, careful, bro.
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Source: showbizia.rediffiland.com

Let me in, dammit!

What’s this whole fuss about Chak De, India? Just can’t land tickets, I’m finding it so bloody difficult to get into a movie-hall playing the blessed flick, just as easy as a terrorist would find it to walk into the CIA HQ at Langley.

Okay, YRF seduce the movie-goers but if TRRP and JBJ are anything to go by, you’d think that the crowd would hold their horses. Apparently, it’s the SRK magic that’s paying off here. Or maybe his beard. Or maybe, we are yet to see a genuine sports film after Lagaan and Iqbal teased us with bits.

Hmm. Probably, that’s just it. A sports flick, albeit chicks and hockey. Still, it’s a start. Will someone please let me in?

Source: showbizia.rediffiland.com

Rang De, Omkara: Great movies, bad subtitles
I loved Rang De Basanti and Omkara to death. But I have a serious grudge against the guy who writes the subtitles of the DVDs of these films.

Both films are excellent in every aspect technical and creative. When it comes to this detail, however, they slack big time. And that’s quite a shame considering how hard-hitting the dialogues of both these films really are.

The sad part is: international audience which mostly relies on subtitles to understand the film, never get the real punch or essence of the conversation.

How do you dub regional gaalis? I say with the same ferocity as they were uttered in the movie. How do you dub in-jokes between characters? I say by not translating it literally.

Subtitles are not translation. It’s expressing a whole thought and concept through the medium of another language.

When will our filmmakers take the concept of DVD packaging more seriously? Having behind-the-scenes or made for TV interviews is not enough, really.

A little more interest and effort should be taken/made in this direction.

Over to you, filmmakers!

Source: thoughtexpress.rediffiland.com

Absurd but adorable…why Bollywood rocks!
Yesterday I was watching Ram Lakhan. It’s one of my favourite masala potboilers. An all out entertainer, Subhash Ghai’s multi-starrer has action, comedy, romance and drama rolled in one.

As I enjoyed the implausibility of it all, I couldn’t help make note of certain traits that Bollywood narrative religiously follows. Here are a few examples:

# Notice how a character, mostly in a supporting role, will never be discreet about a shocking discovery he’s just made. Instead of surreptitiously sneaking out and informing the police or concerned authorities, he will take on the baddies single-handedly. He will actually stand there and tell them how he plans to dial 100 and expect to walk away unharmed. What do you expect? The fool is bumped off in no time.

# The dumb heroine is next on the list. Every time some serial killer goes on the loose, instead of heading for the first exit, she’ll try and find out who’s there. “Kaun hai wahan pe? Jawab do” (Who is it? Answer me!) Yeah, right! Get hit lady, you brought it upon yourself.

# The Bollywood ghost is full of polite gestures. He/She will make numerous now-you-see-them-now-you-don’t appearances, to warn our hero/heroine to maintain distance. But they refuse to take any cue and run for their dear lives. And then when they meet a tragic end or get the spooking of their lives, we are expected to sympathize with them.

# Okay so our hero accidentally lands on the scene of crime. And just when he holds the blood soaked body or tries to remove the dagger off the corpse’s chest, the housemaid, neighbors or even police show up and cry ‘murderer’! What’s more, he’ll be proven guilty too! Forensic science is yet to arrive in Bollywood. Sigh.

# Take the same scenario again. This time around, our hero got lucky. The housemaid’s on leave, the neighbors are minding their own business and the cops are traditionally late. What now? The hero doesn’t think twice before resolving to hide the dead body in the boot of a car. Does he have to unnecessarily complicate the plot? Apparently, the storywriter thinks he does.

# Have you not wanted to pull your hair every time a silly misunderstanding is dragged ceaselessly throughout the movie? Usually the heroine will see the hero and the second lead indulging in an innocent hug. She’ll see more to it followed by a ‘You unfaithful jerk’ break up sequence and melodramatic heartache song. Ultimately the dimwitted heroine will realize her folly when the second lead reveals how she considers the hero to be like her elder brother. Sheesh!

# This plot clich