Distance Pangs.....
long-distance romantic relationships

There are many ways in which
people handle long-distance romantic relationships.
From taking advantage of the telecom revolution
to finding new friends in the places to which
they have moved...but how can you replace family?


Well, if you are young and it's your first time away from home,
sudden spurts of bawling are habitual.
Then your phone bill goes haywire and
you also burn a hole in your pocket
in search of something approximating
'home food'.


The young manage to soldier on and
do not take too long to adjust to the new life.
However, for those who have left their spouses and/or children
behind in other cities, life often does seem rather empty.

The sense of guilt at having left the spouse behind to hold fort alone
and not being around in a crisis,
missing the various stages of their children's lives
and the feeling of loneliness without familiar company
and familial warmth can make
any new city and job feel much stranger.



Most people put in a great deal of effort
and make sure that the arrangement works.
However, often some underlying issues go unaddressed,
heightening the levels of stress and frustration.
A man who leaves to work in a new city,
may end up with a life that revolves only around his work
and the phone calls from home.
Not exactly living life to its fullest, is he?

"The city is new and so is the job.
Besides, the organisation is in a state of transition.
As such, I should have been excited and busy.
However, one part of me is always thinking about my family,
my wife, my 6-month-old son and my father & mother.
I have run up massive phone bills and so has my wife,"

I strongly urges
the individual to literally get a life.
"When someone moves to a new city,
there is a definite relocation anxiety,
which could be interpersonal, professional
or adjustment related.
The person needs to move on and indulge in activities
like joining a dance class or a gym.
Whatever mode the person uses,
social contact needs to be created."

The thing to do is to,
"create a network of people
and make sure you have hobbies
to keep yourself occupied during free time,"
Once life in the new city has been established,
sustaining one's relationships on the home front need planning.

As such a shift is usually
based on some sort of advancement,
it is important to discuss the move with the whole family,
children included,
so that everyone is on the same page.
Including an extended family
or creating a network of friends may also be advisable
so that the spouse who is left with the children has a support system
that also provides reassurance and
emotional backing when needed.

Planning a schedule of visits over the year would also keep the relationship alive,
ensuring that there is something to look forward to.
"These one-on-one personal meetings
are important because however much technology
can help it cannot replace the personal meeting."

You should exploit technology to the hilt
— webcams and skype can keep you in touch
with a child's first steps or words
so that you don't have to miss out
on watching children grow up.


Neutral holiday spots
are also a good idea
as they let you focus on your family
instead of a leaky sink and a pile of dirty dishes.


While these steps
could help prevent geographical distance
eating into your relationship with your family,
it is important to be aware of issues like
that of the stress of one person raising
the children on his/her own.
This could lead to tension and frustration for the one
who stays with the children,
especially if they're going through critical stages
in their life like writing board examinations.



Staying in touch and discussing these issues
as they arise and allowing the harried spouse
to let off steam would help immensely.
Else it often leads to strain in the relationship.
The extended network of friends or family,
at the other end, could also provide reassurance
and even take care of the children for a while
if the parent needs a break.
The children,
if they're teenagers,
should also be involved in resolving issues that crop up.


"Temporary seperation,
sometimes,
leads to a vacuum in the relationship.
So, the family needs to deal
with this issue as soon as possible,"



Sriram Savarkar
Hinduism is more a way of life than a method of worship.
Dharmo Rakshati Rakshithaha
If you protect Dharma, Dharma will in turn protect you